I have often been doing some yoga in the morning lately, followed by meditation. While meditating this morning, a thick presence rose up my body. It melted my mind. It made my face scrunch up for a few moments, as if my head was adjusting to the bliss that came with the melting. I adjusted into a blissful state, full of vibrant colors of aliveness. I was set free. I saw how my normal state of being mentally involved with the world, obsessed with how things are going in my life and trying to improve it, was completely gone. I was completely satisfied in every way, and yet the state had nothing to do with satisfaction. It was more like a blissful state with a sense of completeness, with no question of satisfaction or dissatisfaction. I noticed that in that moment my whole life was fulfilled. And it became hilarious to see the contrast between that moment and my usual situation in life of struggling with everything. I sat there laughing.
As I breathe from my stomach right now it is as if I am breathing along with the earth.
Towards the end of my qigong session this morning and into my meditation my stomach suddenly felt new. I was breathing from my new stomach. As it rose and fell I was increasingly located there. A power built up that felt quite new. It felt like my body was being set free, and I was inhabiting it for the first time. The energy rose up and integrated with my heart.
2008…
I was meditating this morning. I began to wonder what in my awareness is truly me. After awhile I was a broad field of consciousness. At the same time there was a compressed little me there, an ego. I saw how the field of consciousness was a pure expression of Being. Then I saw the ego as simply a resistance in me to the pure expression, like a thick, muddy cloud. I felt it was safe to relax, to do nothing, and be the flow of self-referral consciousness. A sense of relief came over me, along with a clarity that spread through and filled me as if I became an endless lake of pure water.
