I have often been doing some yoga in the morning lately, followed by meditation. While meditating this morning, a thick presence rose up my body. It melted my mind. It made my face scrunch up for a few moments, as if my head was adjusting to the bliss that came with the melting. I adjusted into a blissful state, full of vibrant colors of aliveness. I was set free. I saw how my normal state of being mentally involved with the world, obsessed with how things are going in my life and trying to improve it, was completely gone. I was completely satisfied in every way, and yet the state had nothing to do with satisfaction. It was more like a blissful state with a sense of completeness, with no question of satisfaction or dissatisfaction. I noticed that in that moment my whole life was fulfilled. And it became hilarious to see the contrast between that moment and my usual situation in life of struggling with everything. I sat there laughing.
Jun 08
Nov 06
While doing qigong I was noticing, as I had for the past few days, my mind wanting to control my experience. Specifically, I was trying to “be present” and the effort of that was making a sort of collision in my head between the flow of awareness and my effort. The collision was like an opaque knot of stress in my otherwise clear and calm inner space. I found I could not do anything about it and was frustrated to have it happening again. Then somehow knew I didn’t have to do anything and as I accepted the situation a lightness came over me. I was filled with a white liquid ecstasy that poured into my head. It filled me completely and I stood there giggling in this little inside world of pure liquid bliss.
